According to an Australian survey done in 2023, about 60% of men and 45% of women have admitted to cheating in their marriages or relationships. Dealing with this can be challenging for the partner on the receiving end.
One of the more significant ways to deal with infidelity is to attend the couples counselling Melbourne therapists recommend. With this in mind, our experts have compiled a list of tips to help you deal with the situation between your therapy sessions.
Take the First Steps Toward Healing
Whether you’ve had a suspicion of your partner’s infidelity, or you’ve been caught totally off guard, there’s no denying that you will have a bunch of complicated feelings to sort through. This can be challenging when you don’t know where to start or how to approach the situation.
Unfortunately, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this issue and the road to healing may require different approaches and techniques. Here are a few basic steps to get a better understanding of your feelings and your next steps.
1. Feel and Accept Your Feelings
When you first learn of your partner’s infidelity, you may find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster, experiencing a range of different and conflicting emotions. These can range from shock and confusion to pain and depression.
Allowing yourself to feel these emotions is an essential part of the healing journey. In a sense, you will be grieving for everything that you have built together in your relationship. Accepting your feelings will also help you decide if you can forgive your partner and move forward.
2. Avoid Wanting Revenge
It’s normal to feel angry and vengeful when you have been betrayed by your partner. A common response for many individuals is to seek revenge to get even. On some level, you may believe that this will make you feel better, but as the old saying goes, two wrongs don’t make a right.
Don’t be tempted to trash-talk your partner to friends and family, post negative remarks on social media or even think about having an affair yourself. While this may provide you with a temporary sense of satisfaction, these actions keep you stuck in your anger instead of helping you to heal, whether alone or together. Keep in mind that negative talk about your partner isn’t healthy for your children to listen to.
3. Prioritise Self-Care
Having to deal with the news or confirmation of infidelity can also lead to physical reactions brought on by anxiety and stress. This can include a few of the following:
- Nausea
- Poor sleep
- Lack of (or increased) appetite
- Difficulty concentrating
- Increased feelings of sadness
Once the initial shock of the situation has passed, it’s essential to prioritise self-care. Focus on eating healthy, staying on your existing routine, and exercising. Keeping yourself strong is necessary to navigate your way through the healing process.
Remind yourself to deal with the situation using the “one day at a time” approach. This will help you work through your emotions and also guide you towards finding the right way to deal with the situation. You can also consider adding your feelings to a journal to help you make sense of them.
4. Refrain from Playing the Blame Game
It’s easy to jump into the blame game. Blaming yourself, your partner, or a third party will just aggravate the situation. It will also be a waste of your time and energy which can be better spent in other areas of your life.
Avoid playing the victim card and focus on keeping yourself from feeling too sorry for yourself. This will only make you feel worse, which you don’t need. Your counsellor will help you with a few techniques to deal with your emotions which include feeling like you need someone to blame for what has happened.
5. Don’t Let the Issue Spill Over to the Kids
If there are kids in the relationship then it can be very difficult to just pack up and move on. The kids may be a huge part of why you’re choosing to focus on the strengths of your relationship. With this in mind, it’s essential to keep them out of the negativity, blaming and arguing that may go on.
Sharing the details of the infidelity with your kids may leave them feeling as though they need to pick sides. They may also feel anxious about the possibility of their parents splitting up. This can lead to depression and issues in other areas of their lives. Ultimately, your partner is still their parent and the love for their children wouldn’t have changed because of the affair.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with infidelity is never easy. Getting over it is also not something that you will do from one day to the next. Working together with a counsellor will go a long way toward helping you deal with your emotions. It will also help you and your partner re-establish common ground in a best-case scenario and move forward. If your relationship matters to you and your partner, working it out will be well worth the effort.
